this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
