I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Dignity is for republicans.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
