u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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