did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Randomize
