She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
