Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
