Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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