You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
