I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
