May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
