They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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