hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dignity is for republicans.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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