You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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