She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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