Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
how does that bad decision feel?
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