We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
