i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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