I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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