the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
