I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
