I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
