My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I bet he comes in French.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You ruined the universe
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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