i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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