i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
