Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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