my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
