sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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