Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
