I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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