I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
