a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
