I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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