they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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