It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
