so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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