I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
