Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
