Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
