So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
