xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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