how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You can't special order awesome
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
