there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
