When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
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college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
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You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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