WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
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