So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
