I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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