This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
