If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize