Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
