I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
