Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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