Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
