it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
