i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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