Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
