OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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