I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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