I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
