i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
