U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
