I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just found puke in my bra..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
