i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
