End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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