I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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