New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
