I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
zippers are such a cool invention
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
