1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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