I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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