Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
either way he was missing a nipple.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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