I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
