Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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