I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
