So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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