My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wear drunk well.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
