I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
