did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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