Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
